James Buchanan

The only President that never married.  On one hand, that might sound like a good thing.  No nagging.

But then again, maybe he could have used some.


Wife: Umm, you KNOW we're about to have a Civil War, right?

Buchanan: Yeah, yeah, I know.

Wife: Well what are you going to DO about it?

Buchanan: I'm not sure yet.

Wife: Well we need to figure this out.

Buchanan: Yeah, duh.

Wife: Also you need to take out the garbage.

Buchanan: I just did.

Wife: Well I made more since then.

Buchanan: GOD DAMMIT.

Wife: I mean you know this is going to be Brother Against Brother, right?

Buchanan: I KNOW.


Unlike most of American History, though, that conversation did not happen.

Was James Buchanan LONELY?  Who did he eat dinner with?  a lot of times the President gets to eat dinner with important people like Sultans and Kings from other lands.  But EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?  What if it was just some random Tuesday?  The President of the United States can't sit there eating tacos all by himself.  Or can he?  I don't know the rules.

Did he go on DATES?  If so did the Secret Service guy sitting next to him get to eat too?  Imagine trying to mack on a lady while a Secret Service officer is sitting next to you eating a steak and a twice-baked potato.

"That looks good, how is it?"

"Good, Mr. President."


Actually, I don't think they had actual Secret Service yet in those times, but the President HAD to have had SOME kind of bodyguard or whatever.  Hey maybe that's who he ate dinner with.  Nobody likes to eat alone.

"Pull up a chair and HAVE some of this."

"Thank you, Mr. President."


Then afterwards there might be cocktails and dancing and whatever else.


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