The most honest man ever. INCLUDING Bill Clinton.
Abraham Lincoln gets to be on pennies because he was honest. I gotta ask though, what's with George Washington? He goes around doing bad stuff like chopping down cherry trees and THEN confesses that he did it. That ain't honesty, that is CRIME.
Most people consider Lincoln to be the best President. Why then did they put him on the FIVE dollar bill exactly? He should be on the most expensive one, whatever it is. Like how the $500 bill in Monopoly gets to be orange because it's the coolest color.
Did Abe Lincoln EVER do anything bad? He lived in a log cabin in the WOODS, anything could happen out there. I bet at least once he secretly chopped down a chestnut tree and then hogged all the chestnuts for himself.
Where did he get the lumber for those log cabins? Were the original Lincoln Logs THIEVED?
Since he is on the penny (every single ONE, if you don't believe me go check besides Canada), somebody should build a miniature log cabin out of actual penny rolls. a tiny little spider named "John Wilkes Booth" could live in it for awhile, and then one day, out of nowhere, you suddenly squish him for therapeutic revenge.
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The only President that never married. On one hand, that might sound like a good thing. No nagging.
But then again, maybe he could have used some.
Wife: Umm, you KNOW we're about to have a Civil War, right?
Buchanan: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Wife: Well what are you going to DO about it?
Buchanan: I'm not sure yet.
Wife: Well we need to figure this out.
Buchanan: Yeah, duh.
Wife: Also you need to take out the garbage.
Buchanan: I just did.
Wife: Well I made more since then.
Buchanan: GOD DAMMIT.
Wife: I mean you know this is going to be Brother Against Brother, right?
Buchanan: I KNOW.
Unlike most of American History, though, that conversation did not happen.
Was James Buchanan LONELY? Who did he eat dinner with? a lot of times the President gets to eat dinner with important people like Sultans and Kings from other lands. But EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? What if it was just some random Tuesday? The President of the United States can't sit there eating tacos all by himself. Or can he? I don't know the rules.
Did he go on DATES? If so did the Secret Service guy sitting next to him get to eat too? Imagine trying to mack on a lady while a Secret Service officer is sitting next to you eating a steak and a twice-baked potato.
"That looks good, how is it?"
"Good, Mr. President."
Actually, I don't think they had actual Secret Service yet in those times, but the President HAD to have had SOME kind of bodyguard or whatever. Hey maybe that's who he ate dinner with. Nobody likes to eat alone.
"Pull up a chair and HAVE some of this."
"Thank you, Mr. President."
Then afterwards there might be cocktails and dancing and whatever else.
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