James K. Polk

(He required himself to use the "K" to distinguish himself, as President, from all other noteworthy James Polks.)

Polk (yes THAT Polk) is generally regarded as a great President.  He was real good at invading and annexing, back when those were necessary things to do.  In modern times, most things have already been successfully invaded or annexed.  (Exception:  the "Northwest Territories" from the board game "RISK." People still don't know what that is.)

Polk's nickname was the "Napoleon of the Stump."  Seriously.

I am a very nice person so I generally don't go around nicknaming people but if I were to ever do so it would NOT be THAT.  APPARENTLY as a pre-Presidential version of James K. Polk he had to stand on a tree stump in order to be tall enough to get people's attention.  Platforms and stages had not been invented yet. That came later, mainly during the Lincoln era.  (As if THAT guy needed to be taller.)

This is unconfirmed, including by me, but James K. Polk was apparently the first President that tried to officially ban "nicknames."  He failed, at that.

What he DID succeed at was expanding the dimensions of the United States of America.  More space.  He obviously could not do it ALL himself but he did that thing, for all of us, where you get to move from a real shitty apartment into a way better apartment that at least has windows and a balcony.

James K. Polk, upon becoming President, vowed to serve only one term.  He successfully accomplished all of his Presidential goals during that term.  True to his word, he did not seek re-election, and then died shortly thereafter.

Goodbye James K. Polk, forever.


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John Tyler

Imagine being THIS guy.

He gets elected as vice-president and is presumably all excited and then a MONTH later his boss DIES and he suddenly has to be the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES.

What was that morning like?  When he got the news?  "Well okay I guess."

and what did he say to people?  Probably "It is what it is."


Nobody, besides like 44 people, knows what it is like to be President.  Was there a long "to do" list on the desk the moment he walked in?

"call germany"

"pick up Presidential laundry"

"watch out for that gardener that's stealing"

"dentist on tues."

"write speech"

"keep an eye on wars"

"kid has science project, either help or at least fake helping"

"get more places to be STATES"

"ban something"

"go to the LUNCHEON"

"and don't forget secretary's day.  ALL of them"


That would be quite the task list, your first day on the job.  and he didn't even RUN for President.  He just sort of fell into it because the regular President died or whatever.

America salutes you, John Tyler.  One of the very first round-numbered Presidents of all time.


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